In Defense of Starbucks Church [Part 2]

Now transparency is not something I learned by myself. In fact, it was only through friendships with people who were willing to be honest with me, despite my messiness. It was Heather who first modeled transparency for me and who, in doing so, gave me permission to be real around her. I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with her, because I had not yet learned to translate that freedom into other relationships. All I knew was that no matter who I was, no matter how I acted around her, no matter how LONG it took for me to get my act together, she was always patient, always there for me, always encouraging. At a time in my life when I was having trouble believing that Jesus could love and accept me when his own Christians didn’t, Heather showed me what a Christian is supposed to be like. She helped me to see that it was unfair for me to judge Jesus’ character by the imperfect people all around me who were following him, but who were just as messed up as I was. It took two years of Heather’s patience, love, and gentle pushing to get me to the place where I truly felt like I had learned to see myself and others like Jesus sees us. Since then I have found so many people just like her: Laura, Reames, Alma, Marlene, John, Patty, Rachel, Rod, Lauren, Marcela, Irma, Sheyla, and so many more...and my life as taken on this rich quality that only community, unconditional love, and deep friendships that spring from Jesus's grace can bring.
Now, before I make it sound like I have “arrived”, let me say that there are still days when I wake up with a frown, feel unloved, have a bad attitude, judge, hate, curse, lie, etc. How I can call myself a Christian and still be such an imperfect person is a subject for another post. For now, all I need to know is that I am a work in progress, which, when you think about it is the best we can say of anyone, regardless of their beliefs. It has been a lesson for me in grace-giving, both to myself, to people I don’t like, and to people who don’t like the people I think they should like. If I got grace, everybody should get grace.
And so it has been that in the presence of other Christians, other Jesus people, that I have found both the most hurt and the most healing, the most pressure and the most freedom, the most sorrow and the most joy. And now that I look back, I think that this is how it should be. I came to church with high expectations, expecting no one to fail me, expecting no one to judge me. Now, however, I realize that what I wanted to find was a bunch of perfect people, all waiting for me and willing to love and accept me in my imperfection. That is what I mean when I say that I came to church with unrealistic expectations. What I was wanting from other people (unconditional love, forgiveness, joy, acceptance) were things I was not willing to give to them or myself yet. In fact, though I didn’t know it at the time, I wasn’t even willing to receive those things from others yet, let alone from God (yet another story for another post). And while I did come to church with the expectation of finding certain characteristics, my expectation of what I would not find was the one that really got bashed to the ground. I did not expect to be failed by Christians even though I myself have failed others. I did not expect to be hurt by Christians even though I have hurt many people. When you think about it, though, the entire premise of Christianity is based on the idea that everyone in the who world, from Mother Teresa to Jeffery Dahmer, is a failure when compared to God’s perfection. Why I expected to find perfect people in church is beyond me.